It is a horrible feeling. You put in the hard work, and you did not get the results you wanted! You feel stuck, nothing appears to be working, you don't feel that you have many choices. You are tired. Do you give up? You start asking yourself, is it worth it?
Unfortunately, I saw this situation in more careers than I would like to admit. It sucks! The most unempathetic question that you don't want to hear is "Wow, how did you get here?" You may already be deep in the blame game! You could blame anyone around you or even things that surround you... including yourself. In this state, it may be hard to see clearly. What is possible? What do you do? How do you get unstuck?
Step 1: Check out!
“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.” —Albert Einstein.
Have you tried giving well-meaning advice to a friend while they are emotionally charged? Do you remember those glaring eyes when you simply tried to offer alternative views? Did you just become "the enemy"?
When emotions are running high, it is like stepping on the accelerator while the brakes are still engaged. You will make a lot of noise, create a lot of heat, but you won't be moving very far. Worse still, you may not be steering in the direction that you really want to go. So, please... take your foot off the paddle. Just check out.
Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the self-care and space that you need. Breathe! When you feel that you are in neutral gear, and calmness returns, ask yourself "Am I ready to be better?" If the answer is a yes, continue reading.
"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are"
Step 2: Know where you are.
When you are at your best self, do you feel that you have more in you than when you are stuck! Do you have higher gears in you but stuck just got in the way?
When you are at your best self, what was the environment (or situation) like? What were the essential qualities of your surrounding that supports you to move up with greater ease and flow? Are we ready to take a moment to observe ourselves? Do we see the mood that we are in? Are our body and mind stable and robust enough for us to take that next step?
One way to know where you are is to take a moment by going to your neutral gear. We know that in driving a "manual" car, neutral gear is when we are not engaged in any of the gears (including the reverse). At this space, you are not going anywhere. You are simply getting ready to make a choice on the next gear most suitable to get you back on track in a smoother ride ahead.
In "human terms", one practice that we can consider is Centering. The capacity in us to simply bring some calm and neutrality to your physical and emotional state can help you shift from a "stuck" to readiness for your next step. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/the-empowerment-diary/202002/what-is-centering-what-is-grounding)
Step 3: Know where you want to be
It is common for us to want to take action as soon as possible. Some of you may have rushed past the earlier steps.
What should I do? I must do something! I have no choice! If you are still riding high on emotions, feel physical tightness and a lot of thoughts running wild in your mind, please go back to the earlier steps.
Was there a time when it was clear to you, what life was about? When what you want and who you want to be made complete sense to you! The reason why you jumped into the deep end of the pool in the first place.
It may be easier to just say "things changed!". Maybe it did, or did we just lose our way? The idea is to spend time reconnecting with our broader goals, our dreams and aspirations.
“Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
Having some sense of where you want to be is also needed to help you assess why that might be important to you, what are obvious gaps that prevent you from getting there and if it is important enough for you to want to work on changes to get you there.
Step 4: Bring the right people on your journey
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” African Proverb
If you consider life as a marathon, and careers being a big part of your life, you might want to consider surrounding yourself a group of reliable people. No matter where you are in life, it may be worth your time to cultivate friendships and support networks to make that journey a little less bumpy and a little less stuck.
Who is there for you to talk to when stakes are high and you want to be sure you are thinking clearly? Who are the people that can be witnesses of how you show up and will provide you with their honest feedback? Who can you call when feeling stuck and gives you a nudge to get going again? Who do you reach out to, for a word of encouragement to keep your chin up when things don't go your way? Who do you celebrate with and thank for helping you become who you can be?
You want to set yourself up for success!
Sometimes, being stuck is just the wake-up call we need to reassess where we are and where we want to get to (and why).
Like driving a stick shift car, managing careers is not easy. It takes practice and courage and humility to fail forward and keep growing.
Ubuntu! (I am because you are)
I wish you well!
P.S. If you really want to drive a car, learn to drive a stick shift.
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